My Maniacal Rant, Chapter Three, Part Two

The rhetorical gymnastics being played right now are astonishing. This should be pretty easy for all of us to figure out, if we’ve been paying attention to Trump.

He’s doing exactly what he said he was going to do.

He made a big deal during the campaign about needing to ban Muslims, specifically, to the point of reading his policy in Presidential style during the campaign. Rudy Giuliani admits it’s a legal trick to disguise it so this Muslim ban will muster its way through the courts successfully. Sean Spicer said today it’s not even a travel ban, just extreme vetting. Now Trump can tell his Christian supporters, who can’t wait to start a war with Muslims, that he got his ban, while the media fights with Trump about using the term “ban.”

During the campaign, Trump also doubled-down on the idea that the Central Park Five were guilty, even though extreme vetting proved to be horribly, horribly incorrect in that tragic case. Police officers extremely-vetted five random kids into prison sentences for crimes they didn’t commit…and Trump still thinks they’re guilty because extreme vetting has to work.

Trump still believes in torture, although he’ll “defer” to the specialists! I’m assuming that he’s going to give the thumbs-up to torture behind closed doors and attempt to keep the reporters in the dark about it…at least until he feels safe enough to wheel one of his unlucky nay-sayers onto a television stage, strapped immotile, upside-down to a flatboard, ready to demonstrate to America how water-boarding is effective and keeps America safe!

He wants us to think Obama’s to blame because our last President designated these seven countries for extra scrutiny with visas and green cards, but we all know Obama would never have approved of this executive order. It’s also okay for Trump to do this because Obama did it himself to Iraq!…even though, there was a terror attack on a military recruitment station in Kentucky that called for the action. Trump cannot point to any such recent terror attack. In fact, every terror attack used to defend this executive order has been performed by terrorists NOT from any of the seven countries on the list! Trump’s going to have to stand up on his own two feet, and stop pointing to Obama for the mistakes Trump makes.

Trump wants us to believe that he’s protecting us by detaining members of the seven countries and putting them under the hot spotlight of good, old-American gestapo police-questioning in order to find the bad guys…like some God-awful buddy-cop movie. And why not? It seems like most Americans think that’s how America’s supposed to be: like in the movies! You know, where all the Muslims are trying to kill America’s white people! Ah, I remember the good old days when it was the Ruskies trying to kill America’s white people in the movies.

A lot of Americans are stupid enough to cheer him on because he’s fulfilling campaign promises that will come back to bite them in the ass. We are paying for the wall, he did start a trade war with a bordering country, and Steve Bannon will be in charge of the military! In fact, I’m being kind. It’ll be ass-rending, not just a little bite.

There’s also a lot of Americans, like me, that are just as stupid. I stupidly continue to try to make logical sense out of Trump’s agenda, when he told us exactly what he’s going to do for the last year and more: He’s going to take over this country and fix it in his image.

I am most chilled because he did say he was going to kill family members of the terrorists, and that’s one of the first things he did in Yemen with Seal Team Six (as if he wanted to mimic Obama’s surprise attack of Osama bin Laden). An eight-year-old girl, daughter of a terrorist, shot and killed ten days into Trump’s presidency.  One of our Seals was killed too.

There are 5,000+ soldiers in Iraq right now, partnered with the people affected by this ban. I doubt they even care about the whole “religious test” as much as they care about all the times Trump is caught saying we should have taken all the oil, and who knows, maybe there’ll be another chance to do it right!

Trump’s doing everything he said he would do, so I am most scared for my country’s soldiers right now, stationed in Iraq.

Mr. Trump, you are endangering lives, and you can protest about protecting us all you want. You are endangering people. Get it in your head, Mr. Trump. You don’t know more than the generals.

This country–indeed, this world–is not your play-toy, Mr. Trump. If you’re looking to start a war and are testing the waters to see who you can trust before you go full-on military state with America, then, sir, you are going to start losing your legitimacy quickly with every American. You already lost it with me, but I promise you this, when Americans start dying, sir, we, as Americans, do not fall back in line. Maybe the Democrats in Congress are looking to fall back into line so quickly, but my brand of American does no such thing. We fight when we need to, and there are plenty of Americans who did not vote on November 8th that would like to contribute to the conversation at this moment.

Mr. Trump, slow it down, and start listening to the people, or we will revolt…and I will be happy to be a part of it.

You don’t scare me, Mr. Trump. I look forward to the eventual insulting tweet; in fact, here, let me write it for you:

This is the problem with America: mouthy teachers who should be doing what they’re told. The Maniacal Professor’s a fool. Sad. Maybe he should be waterboarded.

Scott C. Guffey, M.A.


My Maniacal Rant, Chapter Two, Part Ten

In my last entry, I wrote that you’ve gotta have faith…

…re-reading it tonight, I realize what a load of bullshit that was.

Donald Trump is our President-elect, and I’ve lost all my faith.

My faith in this country’s goodness, my faith in my family and neighbor, and my faith in my American-defined God: all of my good faith has been dashed to bits upon the Giant Rock of Entitled-White Man, Conservative-Christian, Blue-Collar Republican Stubbornness tonight.

Tomorrow in America is now officially terrifying. Congratulations, American voters. We will reap what we have sown.

This officially concludes the Maniacal Rant for awhile. I’m going to stop paying attention to the American experiment now. I’ll be too busy figuring out how to explain to my daughters how a simple, misogynistic asshole became the leader of the free world in their lifetime. God only knows how I’m going to muster the gumption to step off my porch into the American populace for the next four years…

With sincerity, peace out from the Maniacal Professor:

Scott C. Guffey, M.A.

My Maniacal Rant, Chapter Two, Part Nine

When we step out of the white noise and take a look from outside the media fish bowl, we can see that this election is not that hard to figure out.

This is not about being loyal to a party, or conservative versus liberal; blue-collar versus white-collar; or city versus country discussions lost to the rhetorical void of infuriating, frustrating American deadlock.

This is a vote for a moderate or radical President.

Trump’s going to throw a temper-tantrum from now until November 8th, which is guaranteed to continue after the election. He’s going to throw all kinds of shade and drum up anti-Hillary sentiment to the point of violence. The only thing moderate about Donald Trump—if you consider human fallibility to be a trait that needs moderation—is his tendency to snort on camera when he’s thinking, “Holy Shit! I’m really doing this!”

Clinton’s going to step aside, act cool, and hope nothing radical happens…like if she decided to scream at Trump on stage at this last debate, as I wanted her to do…because then Trump would inevitably shout, “See!! She IS a screaming harpy! Let’s not put her in jail! Let’s scream, ‘BURN HER!’ like they did in that Monty Python movie!!!” Laughter, applause, and a lynching follow…

Look. I get it. Hillary Clinton doesn’t inspire confidence, but Donald Trump is obviously the radical choice, and those choices almost always have consequences.

I’m not going to ask you to go out and vote, like most people seem to be broadcasting, most specifically at the youth, for whom I can testify are terrified at the “adult” government. I perfectly understand how much stamina it’s going to take to stay politically aware and go out and vote on November 8th.

Stay home if you want to. I’m willing to bet the ones who go out to vote are the Americans with the strongest feelings, understanding, and conscience for American values…

…and the one thing I retain from my religious upbringing: You gotta have faith!

Scott C. Guffey, M.A.

My Maniacal Rant, Chapter Two, Part Eight

White noise: According to, it is also called white sound, a steady, unvarying sound, used to mask or obliterate unwanted sounds…

White noise: This was the sound of Donald Trump’s voice for me after he deflected his advocacy of sexual assault by going full-Fox-News and dismissing it as just locker-room banter. I swear I saw a little Sean Hannity, whispering in his ear about how to make the so-very deplorable become so-very digestible for the Republican Base. Apparently, the American People should continue to let men tell them not to worry about guy-talk, or how it may lead to sexual assault…or just how it’s plain indecent and SHOULD NOT be dismissed as “locker-room talk.” Boys will be boys, so let’s move on… Trump told Anderson Cooper that the Clinton News Network anchor hadn’t heard properly what Trump said, and by extension, Trump told the American People that we didn’t hear him right either. His voice started sounding like the adults in the Peanuts world right off the bat, when Trump successfully deflected the most horrific recording released to the public of a Presidential candidate ever…The drone in my ears, I think, is my brain defending my soul from Trump’s corruptible white sound.

White noise: The barely audible cheer heard across the country as White America regained their champion after Hilary Clinton dropped the ball last night…

Scott C. Guffey, M.A.

My Maniacal Rant, Chapter Two, Part Five

Please feel free to read the following essay using the internal literary-reading voice of Kevin Spacey’s House of Cards character, Francis Underwood, yet make no mistake that it is the voice of the Maniacal Professor:

I came into the Vice-Presidential Debate hoping Tim Kaine would tear Mike Pence a new one…

…I came out of the Vice-Presidential Debate’s aftermath so very sullen, because Pence had actually gained my respect, despite his transparently-false denials…and I carry a grudge against my governor, for which I still feel justified because of his shilling for Trump and his abuse of Indiana’s educational system, but I just cannot deny that I share his rhetorical persona…

…I begrudgingly admit I find Mike Pence to be likable…

…because he’s so very good at deflecting with the good-natured Hoosier personality of being neighborly…respectfully disagreeing…sharing your experience…attempting to relate…using a NASCAR or hunting analogy every now and then…just trying to be friendly while trying to explain white Christian ethics to all the brown and black people that have shown up so suddenly in the metropolitan areas of Republican Red-and-White-Yet-Not-Necessarily-Accepting-Of-Blue Indiana…

…but Mike Pence is still shilling to Donald Trump, simply so he can run for President in 2020 after Hillary Clinton is elected to the office on November 8th of this year…fingers crossed…still not sure because I check my Facebook feed WAY too eff-ing often during these last thirty days of this election cycle.

My thesis: I try to be a good-natured Hoosier, but it’s damn hard to do so when more than half of Indiana is voting for Trump. The way I carry out this ideology is easy enough, because I do enjoy and practice the following Hoosier ethics:

  1. Pay your fair share
  2. Live within your means
  3. Be kind to your neighbor

Trump does not follow these three components. Mike Pence does; therefore, I think Mike Pence is a better candidate for President.

I do not enjoy showing up to the polling booth to vote for Hillary Clinton, ESPECIALLY after Bill Clinton has gone bat-shit crazy and seriously, openly criticized Barack Obama’s legacy. He is not helping his wife’s cause, unless he figures he is driving every woman voter her way by matching Trump’s misogyny…

…at any rate, I will be voting for Hillary Clinton, and I hope fellow Hoosiers and Americans realize that Clinton shares the aforementioned three values more than Donald Trump. She is not exactly the embodiment of the three values, but it is undeniable that Donald Trump is the complete antithesis of these three moralistic values;

I admit publicly that I am voting against Donald Trump.

This is a difficult admission because I enjoy voting for a candidate; I do not enjoy voting against a candidate…

…but that is our reality in 2016.

I also admit that I will probably consider voting for Mike Pence if Hillary Clinton does not work out after four years.

I invite those Americans who understand that I am, in fact, a shill because of this invitation, just like I have accused Mike Pence of being for Trump.

I admit I am a shill…

…because Trump is not worthy of a vote for those of us who share a new set of conservative Christian values, a set of American values that involve fairness, frugality, and love, not discrimination, avarice, and fear.

Trump just isn’t the guy. Listen to what he says. Why do so many people have to work so very hard to figure out what he’s saying and defend what he’s saying?

Just listen to what he says. It’s a simple enough lesson from teaching rhetorical analysis: What you say betrays your character.

I am shilling to my friends and family and fellow Americans, from within the Northwest Region of Indiana, as a former Bears fan who wears an Aaron Rodgers jersey during NFL Sundays in 2016…

…Please don’t vote for Donald Trump. Hillary Clinton is not that bad.

Please and amen.

Scott C. Guffey, M. A.

My Maniacal Rant, Chapter Two, Part Four

Wow. Let’s step off this wild 24-hour roller coaster ride. Let’s call it post-debate epiphany…or a poison-letting recovery…or a political punch-to-the-nuts…I don’t know anymore…this political cycle has become so very sobering, after watching Trump confirm his idiocy, while Clinton does her best to lobby to a country that seems to have already given up on her, no matter what she says in these debates.

Clinton tries her best to present a legitimate case to the country, while Trump gets away with tossing these entertaining word salads at us. Mind you, we need to keep trying to make sense of the word salad, and it’s on us to stop trying to translate what Trump says, yet he keeps saying things that are hard to understand!

Let’s just accept Trump’s majesty based on his say-so…

Utter bullshit.

His rhetoric is in fact pure bullshit, and it seemed to work well in the first segment of the debate. He started strong with his tone and demeanor, but he still provided no substance. He merely screamed about jobs leaving the country, repeated it several times, and then said lower taxes for job creators like him would solve everything.

That was his high point.

After that, he repeated that his tax returns were not America’s business, while promoting himself as a sound American entrepreneur—(not a politician!!!…as I keep hearing ad nauseum from everybody…he’s absolutely a politician now…let’s move on, please…at least until he proves he’s actually a sound American entrepreneur).

He’s all about racial-profiling, as he wants to further his “protection” of the people with a police state, in which police officers can stop-and-frisk whomever the fuck they want. Let’s not forget about the 2 million doors that will be kicked in within hours of Trump’s inauguration.

He’s law and order…for white people.

White people better realize that once doors start getting kicked in and people start getting stopped by police regularly cuz they look funny…realize that white Americans are losing their civil rights simultaneously.

No bullshit.

Trump lost me frequently when he started telling me how his young son was so amazing with computers when asked about cyber-security, followed by taking all of Libya’s oil now…and NATO needs to pay up…and he started NATO’s new focus group on terrorism…and Sean Hannity can confirm he was against the Iraqi war…and blowing Iran’s boat of soldiers out of the water would not start an international incident…and he has better judgment cuz he says so…along with the best…temperament…EVAH!…

To her detriment, Clinton believes global warming exists and is very important, yet Trump denies he’s a global-warming denier.

Rosie O’Donnell deserves to be lambasted because Tom Selleck of the NRA called her stupid when she tried to talk about guns with him. No one can deny that Rosie’s got it coming, according to Trump.

Russia’s our friend, and Putin has the best first-use nuclear policy.

China should solve the problem of North Korea, and perhaps we should pull our positions from South Korea’s northernmost border…cuz America can start a lucrative protection racket worldwide!

Trump didn’t criticize Hillary’s looks, just her stamina…which is perhaps the most incredible thing Trump said since he obviously did not have the stamina to stand up to Hillary Clinton on the national stage for ninety minutes…

…otherwise he wouldn’t be whining about the commercials. The commercials that are largely compilations of Trump’s audio-recorded idiotic rhetoric.

Trump says that the commercials are unfair; otherwise, he might be forced to bring up Bill Clinton’s infidelity because Hillary Clinton keeps hammering him on WHAT HE HAS FUCKING SAID!!!

He’s a joke, charlatan, thin-skinned, clownish, soap-box-barking, jerkiest, yadda, yadda, yadda…

He’s not Citizen Kane, and he needs to stop play-acting that role upon America’s most prominent stage.

Donald Trump simply cannot handle this job.

My lone criticism of Hillary Clinton is she should have brought up the fact that Trump pulled out a full-page ad in a New York paper—as a journalist, mind you—asking for the death penalty for five young innocent black boys who were coerced into confession by a fraudulent New York City Police Department, when he brought up the “super-predator” comment that she still needs to apologize for.

Otherwise, she’s more qualified than her competitor.

Scott C. Guffey, M.A.


My Maniacal Rant, Chapter Two, Part Three

Donald Trump Jr. made a senseless analogy using Skittles, suggesting that 3 candies out of an entire bowl would poison the pool. This was published and owned by the Trump/Pence campaign, despite the governor of Indiana’s protests to the contrary (..and Pence is truly a shill to Trump, if America needed no more perfect example of the concept of shill, prior to Pence’s candidacy as Trump’s right-hand man and nauseator-in-chief…).

At any rate, allow me to make my own analogy, since Trump’s progeny—and Trump himself—have licensed us smaller people, by making their own fallacious arguments integral to the American conversation…

We have a choice between two meals:

America can eat the stale meat sandwich. It’s not too old to eat, but the bread’s a little crusty, the lettuce is withered, and the meat’s probably past the expiration date. We don’t want to eat it, but dammit, we need to eat something, despite the smell and taste of every vote…sorry, I meant bite…

The other meal is a big heaping, steaming pile of shit, produced by a caveman-impulsed, entitled-simian millionaire who actually thinks he’s king of the greatest clan-slash-cult-of-the-entire-world!!!…

…a clan that is actually a country, one that I thought valued a little intellectualism in its leadership.

We can only eat one of these meals.

Please let it not be the shit sandwich.

Scott C. Guffey, M. A.

My Maniacal Rant, Chapter Two, Part Two

I am begrudgingly with her…but God-damn fuckin’ hell, she’s losing this thing!

Sorry, I do have an inner-hillbilly.

On second thought, no apologies for growing up within the hillbilly culture; J.D.Vance’s memoir convinced me that the culture needs to be defined more clearly to understand this year’s political situation.

This political forum last Wednesday night concerning the nature of the Commander-in-Chief was especially depressing for those of us paying attention to the American Apocalypse.

Both of our Presidential candidates are so very flawed.

Hillary Clinton cannot give a satisfactory answer about the server she decided to put into her home. She got defensive and showed how hard it will be for her to defend herself against Donald Trump in the first debate. She needs to stop elaborating on the procedure of Secretary of State and simply explain how she should not have had a personal server placed within her home. It’s as simple as that, yet she continues to give convoluted justification of why she should have made that decision…to be clear, to allow a tech nerd to establish a potential breach of national security because she wanted an easier way to work from home. She’s apologized for this mistake, yet she refuses to really acknowledge it within her rhetoric.

Maybe if she did that last night, we might spend more time within the national conversation about Aleppo in Syria…so the third-party candidate for Prez might have heard about this serious concern of global atrocity.

I’m not saying Hillary is disqualified for her e-mail nonsense. I’m saying this argument should have been taken care of long ago…YET, she still has to spend nearly fifteen minutes of a half-hour forum on the damn e-mails when it should be fairly brief after a couple of years of it. Let’s move on, Hillary. Stop getting defensive if you want America to accept your apology…

…and stop making absolutist statements. It’s what got Obama in trouble with the Red-line stance in Syria. There are approximately 5,000 troops in Iraq as of September 7th, 2016.  If ISIS is to be stopped, then you cannot make a blanket statement about soldiers  appearing in potential wars. Perhaps, necessary wars.

I am a pacifist. I will not take a life with my own hands; however, I understand the necessity of war. I do not possess the desire to enter war, as so many Americans want to do against ISIS, which Trump inflames to the point of giving allegiance to Russia, and Syria by proxy. I’m an American that understands war and wants to shout back at American society, to discourage the call to enter more conflicts where Americans die. We do not need to always be in a war.

We need to stop this silly belief…as a country. Every single time we “honor” our troops with prefaced statements and pompous ceremony INSTEAD of facing the mistakes we make because of our ginned-up fear of brown-skinned terrorists…every single time we do this, the sentiment becomes spurious and something detrimental, contributing to the continued lack of a genuine American conscience, from people that are just glad there are others more willing to face red-hot, arm-length tracers and constant, earth-shattering concussion.

This is the point of the narrative where I shout out loudly, rowdily, and so-very-intoxicatedly about how some Americans think Trump is so much better than Clinton.

Trump-a-lump-a-oh-so-atrocious disparaged America, and the Orange Charlatan insisted Vladmir Putin was a better “leader” than the eight-year-two-term-President-of-the-United-States-of-America, Barack Obama…and he did this in the presence of veterans of our most recent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan!

TRUMP: Sorry troops! You’ve been working under a soft leader who is not willing to oppress his people like Vladmir Putin has so skillfully done in Russia. Once America elects me, the Greatest Businessman on the Planet, you soldiers can start taking orders from some real military leaders, since all of the generals have been turned to rubble by Obama’s incompetency…

Trump can go to fucking hell. He’s a brazen asshole, a carnival barker, and a dangerous con-man. He’s a disgrace to this country, and it’s deflating to see so many of my fellow-countrymen aligning themselves behind him under the Republican banner.

He only pays lip-service to the veterans and their families and the Republican base…

He has continued to rely on his stupid insistence of elevating numbers with EVERYTHING in his rhetoric. This time, he challenged a young female veteran, Rachel Fredericks, who asked a serious question about suicides in the present military culture:

TRUMP: It was actually twenty-two deaths a day when veterans of these recent wars commit suicide because of the atrocities they have observed…not twenty because that’s not high enough a number to convince you, the American people, that I am all about servicing the veterans and their families…

…Not twenty as the stats state. Trump always knows better. The stupid son-of-a-bitch.

Trump always thinks the way to pay attention to argumentative issues is to inflate them.

He also said he’s made sacrifices by giving jobs to people or money to veterans. He was asked a question about what he had sacrificed after Khizr Khan excoriated Trump at the DNC convention. His answer was that he had indeed sacrificed…in his mind, just as the Khan family had sacrificed, even though the people to whom Trump gave jobs probably didn’t deserve them, and oftentimes, the check’s in the mail for the charities (wink, wink…ha, ha…you’re fired).

He doesn’t understand what a military family’s sacrifice means to the citizens of America, and he cannot take back that claim about understanding sacrifice…not for this author. It’s just stinkin’ impossible. He’s a fucking asshole forever, as far as I am concerned.

Just to let my readers know what I really think.

Trump insists he’s smarter than everybody who’s in the room, but he could not specify a satisfactory answer for a simple question about his own personal research.

He depends on other people…even though he’s smarter than other people…

He’s a businessman. He gets people who can conduct business. Instead of him. The problem is the rubble-Generals that achieved rank under Obama…or before Obama…all we know is that after Obama, Trump will “fix” it…even if he obviously doesn’t understand how the military actually operates as far as hierarchy or earned service is concerned…or even the basic difference between enlisted personnel versus college-educated officers, I imagine…this forum was supposed to be Trump’s strength, and he bungled the whole affair so very transparently…

..yet America still might elect him President…

…Trump’s biggest misstep may have been when he admitted all we needed to do this past decade was to take all of Iraq’s oil.

That would have stopped all of the mayhem. If we had only gathered the spoils as victor. Even though there were no victors…

…Phil Klay asked an intelligent question, and Trump did not provide an intelligent answer.

He has no clue. How did he even get this close?

He also doubled-down on the notion that women cannot properly serve in the military, since men cannot help their cave-man impulses…

…why shouldn’t he? His own cave-man impulses have led him to the brink of the Presidency, the next leader of the Free World…

…a Free World that will become the Free-Market Anarchistic Police States of America on Day One!

Trump has already damaged this country. Let’s try to keep the blaze contained, so it doesn’t become America’s pyre.

I would like to stop thinking about Trump,  writing about Trump , loathing Trump…but I love my country too damn much…and the brother that gave his life for the Iraqi war…I love him more…

…Writing is simultaneously a sickness and a salve. I try to write with intensity every time I sit down to create an essay. I’m usually successful ten percent of the time, but hell, I’m going to keep trying. It’s usually when my manic-depression overcomes me. I make no apologies. Writing down my thoughts is often the only way to make it to tomorrow.

Scott C. Guffey, M.A.